Where is Mary Tyler Moore When We Need Her?


In 1970, Mary Richards and The Mary Tyler Moore Show debuted to a changing world. Women like my mum, who had left school in grade 9 during the Great Depression, were watching the rise of feminism, and wondering how the heck they were supposed to react and behave.  Men, like my dad, felt incredibly threatened by this new role of women in the workforce – where would that leave them? Would women take all the jobs? And how were they supposed to treat this ‘new woman’ in the workplace?

I had already been in the workforce for a few years, and was standing by to see what the world would throw at me. I’d seen offices where only men had any power, and where women, and especially older women, were taken advantage of economically, regardless of ability or seniority. I’d applied for jobs where the only criteria was attractiveness, and the dress code required a specific model of push up bra.

I had been raised to believe I could do anything – as long as ‘anything’ involved being a nurse, teacher, secretary, stewardess, waitress, or housewife. And as long as my husband approved. But now a larger world was opening up, and the Mary character gave viewers a chance to  watch, from the comfort of their own homes, how this might play out for themselves.

My mum completely identified with Mary, the vulnerable, good girl, who wanted to appease everyone, even at the expense of her own feelings. Mary was single, female, over 30, professional, independent, smart, and funny. Mary faced issues an older generation had never before confronted, like equal pay, birth control, and sexual independence – sex without the blessing of marriage.

Mary’s superpower was her friendships, both those with other women, like Rhoda Morgenstern (Valerie Harper); Phyllis Lindstrom (Cloris Leachman); Georgette Franklin (Georgia Engel); and Sue Ann Nivens (Betty White), and with the men she interacted with at the TV station where she worked.

At work,  Mary was a sisterly presence. She was smart, did her job well, and could laugh with the guys. Although she hated confrontation, she could still muster up the courage to talk back to the irascible Lou Grant, her boss and editor. Eventually, even he had to admit how good a co-worker she was, despite her ‘spunk.’

As the series grew more popular, repeated viewing made anxieties about women in the work force seem silly .. after all, Mary was an Every Woman. They could relai-hate-spunkte to Mary. The normalization calmed their fears, and made people realize that they could relate to a drastic social change.

When Mary Tyler Moore died last week, I thought a lot about the contrast between how we are dealing with the vast social and economic changes of today, as opposed to then.

It’s frightening to those who want to cling to the world as it was. And yet at the same time, we don’t want to give up our ability to access pretty much anything we want online, order it with a click, and have it delivered to our door within a few days.  What we don’t see is that we’ve stopped shopping in stores .. and so those jobs and stores no longer exist.

global-gdpWe want to pay as little as possible for any given thing.  Corporations heard us; they outsourced manual labour to countries where they could pay lower salaries. And so those jobs, which we used to do here, no longer exist.

The reality of climate change, and the shifting of energy resources are, of necessity, pulling focus away from oil and coal, and putting the spotlight on renewable energy. Sure, there are more jobs available now in renewables, but what do you do if you’re a career coal miner? The mine’s been shut down, and those jobs are never going to come back.

Widespread automation is in our future; Oxford University predicted that 47% of all jobs – of every kind – will disappear in the next 25 years.

“The Trump campaign ran on bringing jobs back to American shores, although mechanization has been the biggest reason for manufacturing jobs’ disappearance. Similar losses have led to populist movements in several other countries. But instead of a pro-job growth future, economists across the board predict further losses as AI, robotics, and other technologies continue to be ushered in. What is up for debate is how quickly this is likely to occur.

Now, an expert at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania is ringing the alarm bells. According to Art Bilger, venture capitalist and board member at the business school, all the developed nations on earth will see job loss rates of up to 47% within the next 25 years, according to a recent Oxford study. “No government is prepared,” The Economist reports. These include blue and white collar jobs. So far, the loss has been restricted to the blue collar variety, particularly in manufacturing.

Robot ironing clothes

Unemployment today is significant in most developed nations and it’s only going to get worse. By 2034, just a few decades, mid-level jobs will be by and large obsolete. So far the benefits have only gone to the ultra-wealthy, the top 1%. This coming technological revolution is set to wipe out what looks to be the entire middle class. Not only will computers be able to perform tasks more cheaply than people, they’ll be more efficient too.

Accountants, doctors, lawyers, teachers, bureaucrats, and financial analysts beware: your jobs are not safe. According to The Economist, computers will be able to analyze and compare reams of data to make financial decisions or medical ones. There will be less of a chance of fraud or misdiagnosis, and the process will be more efficient. Not only are these folks in trouble, such a trend is likely to freeze salaries for those who remain employed, while income gaps only increase in size. You can imagine what this will do to politics and social stability. “   (http://bigthink.com/philip-perry/47-of-jobs-in-the-next-25-years-will-disappear-according-to-oxford-university)

Now, the thing is, good leadership would have been following up on this inevitable trend and coming class shake-up. And some countries have been following the curve, and are placing more emphasis on careers outside of the previous generation’s scope.

However, several countries have instead taken the opposite approach – the one known as sticking your fingers in your ears, closing your eyes, and chanting ‘la la la la la’ in the hopes that this will all go back to the way it used to be, when you reopen your eyes.

Sadly – that’s not in the cards. The genie is not going back into the bottle. Long term solutions need to broached immediately, if we are not to find ourselves in a Soylent Green world.

The economy will expect middle aged, middle class, workers to retrain or be left behind. There will be resistance to that idea, especially amongst those who have laboured under student debt from their previous career.

self-driving-truckAnd what role will self-driving vehicles play in a future economy? Long haul truckers, cab drivers and couriers will find themselves out of work – not tomorrow, but within the next decade. And that’s a whole lot of drivers.

These are real, valid concerns that must be addressed. A guaranteed basic income might be the only solution possible for as many as half of all country’s populations. We could be on the verge of a complete societal breakdown – or a future Utopia, a world in which people are free to pursue their interests, instead of working at jobs that just pay the bills.

Be that as it may, one thing that will NOT help to move countries or the economy forward is isolationism or pathetic jingoism. Time and again, this type of “America First” pseudo patriotism has proved a failure.

donald-trump-america-firstWhen Trump said,  “For many decades, we’ve enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry; subsidized the armies of other countries” while depleting our own. And,: “The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world, ” he was outlining ” a world in which foreign relations are collapsed into a zero-sum game. They gain, we lose. ” (http://www.nationalreview.com/article/444321/trump-foreign-policy-isolationsim-america-first-allies-nato-trans-pacific-partnership)

He is wrong. He is appealing to the petty, the un/ and under-educated, the greedy,  and the small minded who can’t understand why they can’t have all of the goodies of 2017, while living in a rosy coloured Disneyland complete with talking animals, and perfectly behaved women and children. A world where America does whatever the hell it wants, any time and anywhere.

A perfect example of that kind of mentality was shown on the weekend as Trump’s knee-jerk executive order targeted citizens from seven predominantly Muslim countries, forbidding them entry to U.S. soil – AND also targeted U.S. legal residents from the named countries — green-card holders — who were abroad when it was signed.

trump-protest-noban-jan-2017The order was signed as many were on planes, en route to America.

When those enforcing these bans, as dictated by the Department of Homeland Security, were asked by citizens or their lawyers to whom they must address their concerns, they were sneeringly told to  “Speak to President Trump.”

This should make Americans frightened. These actions throw out not only the Constitution, but democracy itself, with Trump as the ultimate arbiter for all charged with any offence he makes up on the spot.

The thing is … it’s not just Trump’s fault. It’s the fault of all of the governments and political parties all over the civilized world that have ignored the economic reality that has been creeping up on us for decades. Political parties that stirred up fear, painting a picture of a dystopic land, as Trump did when he described America as akin to a Hieronymus Bosch painting of ” American carnage,” with “mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities; rusted out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our nation; an education system flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge; and the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential.

That is not a true picture of America, though it may well be the carnage he leaves behind after his time as President is over.

Americans were not being told, “you’re gonna make it after all.” Instead, they were being told that the only way to make it is to take it from others.

passing-the-buckPolitical parties that relied upon cutting taxes rather than shoring up their infrastructures and their citizens needs, just to get re-elected, are to be blamed. Every party, every country, big and small, passed that big buck along to their successors, enriching corporations and themselves in the process, while ignoring and angering their constituents, who had trusted them to explain what they needed to know and understand about their future.

They COULD have worked with the education system to update what is offered in order to live in a modern, automated society. They COULD have worked with scientists warning of the dangerous effects of climate change, and put into place safeguards that would have saved lives. They COULD have told corporations that they would not be allowed to hold consumers or governments hostage in order to raise corporate profit, but instead would be taxed at a rate that allowed the country to replace what was being taken from them.

But that would not have gotten them re-elected.

walking-dead-castAnd so, there were no television series like The Mary Tyler Moore Show, that allowed citizens to normalize a changing present and a very different future. Instead, there was a rise in conspiratorial, dystopic, dramas, and a rush to fairytale land, that deified cartoon superheroes, and fantasy characters. Reality shows, that weren’t really reality, appealed to the minority and the niche groups. And an entire genre of television catered to the needs of ‘preppers,‘ those that would stand alone and defend what little they had when the inevitable (to them) collapse of society occurred.

This is a tearing apart of society, a sorting process that places each individual into smaller and smaller groups, separating and dividing. Rather than a coming together of people to work with, rather than against, change, to accept globalization and automation as a positive advance, ‘disrupters‘ have chosen to tear nations apart, to pit citizen against citizen, for power, for wealth, and for their own self-aggrandizement.

I don’t miss the past; I’ve been there, and it wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But I will miss the days when politicians worked with and for the people, rather than for their own self-interests, and on the backs of the people they have forgotten, to whom they owe their jobs.

 

 

(originally published at bobsegarini.wordpress.com/2017/01/29/roxanne-tellier-where-is-mary-tyler-moore-when-we-need-her/)

 

Fifty Shades of Gross


At the age of 26, a young Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, wrote a letter to his fiancée, saying “How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.”

After decades of study and work, he changed his tune. “The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”

wife-happySo if a man, who dedicated his entire life to studying the psyche and sexuality of women, was more puzzled after thirty years than when he started, I think it’s safe to say that we ordinary humans can’t be faulted for not understanding ourselves and others as well as we’d like.

I believe he was closer to the truth at 26 than at 56. unconditional loveWhen you feel unconditionally loved, there is little to fear in intimacy. There’s an easy give and take about what makes you and your partner feel good, and you respect the boundaries put in place. Causing pain to a loved one causes you pain as well, so unless you’re a sado-masochist, you refrain from harming your loved one, physically or emotionally.

Which is not to say that you or your partner can’t be intrigued by other aspects of sexuality. We’re complex beings, we humans, and fully enjoying our bodies and sensuality through touch, taste, smell, sight and sound is both a joy and a right. life is a one time offerLife is short; time Is fast. As Warren Zevon said, “enjoy every sandwich.”

I thought a lot about sexuality over the last few days. It was Valentine’s Day on Saturday, a day couples celebrate their unions. And a film based on a terribly written book, itself based on a middle-aged woman’s fan-fiction fantasies about teenaged vampires, debuted worldwide and did boffo box office business, ringing in $81.7 million in the United States alone. Mind boggling! Record breaking!

50 shadesThat’s brilliant sales and marketing, no denying. “Fifty Shades of Grey,” is purportedly a ‘romance.’ It is actually an exploration of a disturbing, manipulative, emotionally abusive, sado-masochistic relationship. It would more correctly be billed as an ‘anti-romance.’

Critics have called the film misogynistic and exploitive. Leading feminist website Jezebel dubbed the film “50 Shades of Abuse.” And proponents of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism), the practice which the book and film reference, feel their kink is not being represented correctly or responsibly, as Australian journalist and television presenter Lisa Wilkinson explained:

bdsm-775“BDSM is a community that believes in safety & comfort. Consent is always necessary, and partners take care of each other. After acts and role-plays, partners comfort each other to help transition out of that zone. FSOG does not include any of this. Mr. Grey gives Anastasia (a then-virgin) an ultimatum; to sign a contract or leave. She is sexually inexperienced (being a virgin) and he manipulates that to push her boundaries to make it seem like the sexually violent things he is doing to her are okay. There are instances where after an act, he is mad at her for being upset, but does not comfort her. He uses alcohol to sway her consent – this is by law rape. There is also an instance where she uses the safe word, yet he continues. That is consent being retracted, and Christian ignores the retraction of consent. That is sexual assault.”

Our heroine, Anastasia, is not enjoying a grown-up consensual relationship. She’s involved with a high tech manipulative stalker in a text book domestic abuse situation. domestic abuse2

Christian isn’t a Dom, he’s a manipulator and rapist. He talks down to her, shows her no respect, and believes his wealth and corporate power give him carte blanche to behave in any way he pleases. Again, that’s not the definition of BDSM. The Sub is actually the one with the power in a BDSM relationship, because they always have the power to say “no;” the sub always retains the right to refuse.

However the book, and now the film, has had one positive effect; it is helping to open a dialogue about sexuality and fantasy. What DO women really want?

Children, in their pink and blue nurseries, are aware of gender roles bygood girls the age of two or three, and are basically entrenched in their culturally appropriate gender roles by the age of four or five.

In the western civilized world, men are generally expected to be strong, dominant and aggressive. Women are usually associated with passivity, nurturing, and subordination. Culturally, it’s primarily sexy women who sell what we buy. But it’s men who are encouraged, and even expected, to experiment sexually, while women are told that ‘good girls don’t.”

But – we do. We think about sex, and we have sex. We have fantasies and wonder what it would be like to try other forms of sexual pleasure. 40% of women have wet dreams. Over 85% of women have watched porn. Women cheat on men at about the same rate as men cheat on women. The majority of men and women remain interested and sexually active well into advanced old age.

In anonymous or polygraphed research in which men and women were asked about their sex lives and partners, women actually turned out to have had more sexual partners than the males in the studies. Researchers came to the conclusion that women who believed they could not be identified, or who believed that they had to tell the truth when polygraphed, gave truer numbers, and that this was due to identified women feeling “pressure to adhere to sex role expectations that indicate (they) should be more relationship-oriented and should avoid being seen as promiscuous.”

In a study done measuring brain activity through electrodes (EEG,) 264 women were shown 55 images of water skiers, snarling dogs, partially clad couples in sensual poses, and other scenes. Erotic images triggered neuron firing about 20 percent faster than any other pictures.

badgirlsgoeverywhereSo, we’re just as, or maybe even hornier, than men. We may not want sex with YOU, but we do want sex. We may not want the sort of sex you want, but we may want to read about, or watch films about, alternate sexual practices. Actually turning the alternatives into reality will depend on our own needs. Consensual sex of any variety requires informed consent, regardless of the other person’s needs.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” focuses on an imbalance of power, and glamorizes the young woman’s confusion and powerlessness in a controlling and abusive relationship that leaves her in an emotional and manipulative turmoil.  obey fist

This is not a cute and slightly naughty bit of Valentine’s Day frivolity, it’s a primer for both sides of an abusive relationship. One is being taught that their every desire should be met, regardless whom their needs may harm, and the other to not only accept, but to romanticize abuse and powerlessness.

Sadly, it’s also a metaphor for our economy’s broken social contract, where those in positions of power and wealth expect no opposition to continued growth, demand a lack of controls or regulations, and force their will upon the powerless, who, through fear, frustration, or simply to survive, have no opportunity to consent. greedy desire

Those who have accepted such conditions as the new normal, in the economy or in a relationship, collaborate in their own subjugation.